Listen up regards, ive been going to $BROS since 2017 back when they only had 1 branch in a small college town in Colorado and seen them expand across the entire state over a few years. Yes i know “the lines are always long” yeah “they’re competing with starbucks “ yap yap yeah they got the lisa su of coffee in christine barone as the new CEO but shut it and hear me out. I'm gonna tell you why this company is gonna fk up your grandma's inheritance way quicker than you can count to Gee Em EE (yes im throwing shade at our beloved regards at super stonk). If you genuinely bought that stock that shall not be named, you should actually buy BROS since you've likely been donating to the market for years anyway
**Less Blondes, More “WTF is that thing that took my order?”**
When I first started going to Dutch Bros, every morning was basically a softcore caffeine porno. 10/10 baristas smiling at you, making your day less miserable before you go back to being a wage cuck at whatever bs remote job you do. Now I show up and I’m greeted by some purple haired thing named Skylar. The amount of rainbow employees i've been seeing at different locations has made me gag, If I genuinely wanted a questionable gender-fluid experience, I’d just invest in coins again. Now I just go to $SBUX to get served by underpaid but a cute WOMAN. idc what you say, you can’t put a P/E on “no boner, no brew.”
**Healthier Options = Brain Activity = Lost Sales**
look, I go to Dutch Bros because I want 500 grams of sugar in a single gulp. I’m not here to think about the caloric content of my caramel macchi-whatever-the-fuck. Studies (these are harvard studies if you cucks wanna try and question me) show that when you force customers to think, you lose money. Give me my diabetes-in-a-cup and let me die happy. Also who the fuck buys a protein coffee, get a grip .
**Competition is Thiccker than a Nikola motors truck**
Expansion is a bitch when you’re trying to out-coffee Starbucks, Dunkin’, and every bearded hipster in a food truck. You really think $BROS can find prime corners in big cities when SBUX has already claimed every intersection and half the alleyways? Good luck with that. They might as well set up shop in the middle of bumfuck iowa at least they’ll have a monopoly there.
**Real Estate: From Tiny Shacks to Big-Ass Buildings**
The beauty of Dutch Bros was their huts—little shacks that cost roughly the same as an average tiny 3d printed home. Now I’m seeing thicker stores with actual indoor/outdoor seating, meaning sky-high overhead.
If you're regarded: More real estate = more capital expenses = less margin. you start letting customers inside, and guess what? They might linger, think about what they’re buying and worst of all might even realize they can just make their own coffee at home like a finance guru on youtube
**Expansion Costs & Financial Fuckery**
Yea yea $BROS wants to open 1,500 stores in the next decade. Each new location can cost up to \~$1M in capex (im sure ur all have finance degrees and know what this means). With an average check size that barely pays your rent (assuming you ever move out of your mom’s basement) or even covers a 3d printed house , that’s a metric shit-ton of $9 coffees just to break even.Meanwhile, $SBUX is sitting on every corner, flexing their global supply chain and brand recognition. And where are the profits?? Last quarter, $BROS had a net loss of around $16 million while “expanding.” Their operating margin makes my match rate on hinge look good. Their P/S ratio implies theyre the TSLA of coffee, but let’s face it they can only dream of . To add onto this their new CEO looks more bullish on $MCD than she is on $BROS, christin barron if you're reading this: sign up for equinox, get you some $PTON, and maybe ill buy some of your shares.
The only bullish thing is that their CEO is a whale (and not the kind that buys shares) meaning she probably buys her own produce
**TL;DR: if you hate skinny women, love to lose money or both. buy $BROS**
**My Position:** 5 Puts, $25 Strike, jan 15 2027 ( I dont have a job rn i wouldve shorted 10600 shares )
Edit: typo
https://preview.redd.it/f5ho9pw1089e1.png?width=814&format=png&auto=webp&s=caa8257ce5414f32384281982a5ea4fdcb544ec7
https://preview.redd.it/n3kcddi2089e1.png?width=624&format=png&auto=webp&s=b91ee8ec203907805c90caab8dda9f0c9a68a60f
**i also own 35 shares 10 in my roth and 24 in my main acc**
https://preview.redd.it/dpuf6pf3089e1.png?width=703&format=png&auto=webp&s=6c8b8a405e24048f402eb96b3dd5ded869efe4d4