Why Alphabet Is an Absolutely Safe Investment in 2026 (100% Confirmed)

Hi everyone,

I’m currently traveling through Southeast Asia and had the chance to visit various Chinese and Buddhist temples. In one of the temples, I saw several people handling two crescent-shaped wooden blocks, repeatedly tossing them onto the ground and noting how they landed.

My curiosity was piqued, and after a bit of research I found out that these are so-called [jiaobei \(moon blocks\)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiaobei). They can be used to ask the gods simple yes/no questions. Depending on [how the moon crescents land](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/73/Jiaobei_results.svg/500px-Jiaobei_results.svg.png), they represent different answers.

Now, we all know that technical analysis is really just the modern man’s oracle. So I thought: who, if not the gods themselves, could reliably tell me whether I should hold Alphabet in 2026 or not?

So I took two wooden blocks, properly introduced myself to the gods in accordance with the rules, name and date of birth, and then asked my question: “Should I hold my Alphabet shares in 2026?” I tossed them, and they landed on Xiàojiǎo (笑筊), the so-called laughing answer. So the gods laughed at me and my question, because the answer is obvious and more than clear. After all, as we all know, stocks only go up, and that applies to Alphabet too. So I will be holding my Alphabet shares in 2026.

This is explicitly not investment advice from me, but from the gods.

I wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year.

TL;DR: Even the gods laugh at people who consider selling their Alphabet shares in 2026.