Buy GRPN by Jul 20, 2026.

Friends, countrymen, degenerates — lend me your tickers. I come to tell you that Groupon is not dead. I know. I was as surprised as you. I had filed the obituary, sent flowers, spoken kindly of the deceased at the luncheon, and eaten the little sandwiches. Then the deceased sat up on the slab and asked what was for dessert. The facts, as plain as a man can lay them on a Tuesday: 54% to 57% percent of the float …