Hey guys, I’m sorry the market is still crashing. As you all know, the market’s sole purpose is to immediately inverse whatever decision I make to make sure I stay poor. I bought calls on Apple a few months before a new phone launch? Pattern breaking sideways trading until the calls expire. I buy Tesla? Stock suddenly plummets after years of growth.
I single handedly caused the 2020 stock market losses by opening my Robinhood account just a month prior. I also caused that one meme stock to moon by selling my one free share that Robinhood gave me, and then subsequently caused it to crash by buying back in at higher than I sold. You know the one.
Anyways, the reason I’m here is because in my infinite schizophrenic wisdom I have come to the conclusion that I can single handedly reverse all of America’s economic turmoil by going all-in on betting on market losses. Because the market always inverses my positions, it will surely reach new valuation heights the moment I buy SPY puts. However, I am too much of a trembling paper handed soyjack to all in just yet, but I have a knack for timing the exact wrong time to do anything and I feel it’s coming soon.
Source: trust me bro.
Disclaimer: this is not investing advice, this is merely an apology for single-handedly causing trillions of dollars in economic losses by not buying puts.