Turned $20k into $40k overnight on SPY puts, then realized I could’ve had $250k. I am simultaneously a genius and a certified potato.

Well boys, I’m a gambler, but with an MBA in Finance and Economics, which makes me a dangerous retard. Like, I paid six figures to learn how to lose money more efficiently.

So yesterday, while drunk off six tequila sodas and 2.5 bad decisions, I had a vision from the stonk gods (or maybe it was just the hangover kicking in early). I slapped $20k on 150 SPY $525 puts that expired today. Full send. Balls deep. No lube. Just vibes.

Woke up this morning, still half-pickled from last night, saw my account was at $40k. Doubled up. Cool. But my brain—operating at a solid 12% capacity—said, “Nice tendies, let’s not be greedy.” So I sold.

Then I blacked out again metaphorically this time—l and didn’t check the markets until mid-day.

Opened my app…

And those same contracts?

Would’ve been worth $250k.
That’s right. A quarter-freaking-million dollars. From a $20k YOLO. I could’ve walked into Gucci and asked for the deed. I could’ve adopted a baby dolphin. I could’ve bought 500,000 McChickens and still had cash for sauce.

But no.

I locked in my peasant gains and left a private island worth of tendies on the table.

Moral of the story?
Being a responsible trader is for cowards.
Risk management is a scam.
And most importantly, never trade sober.

A win is a win—but this one stinks worse than my ex’s crypto picks.

Anyway, I’ve just thrown the $40k into $50 call options on SQQQ that expire next Friday. We ride again, baby.
Pray for me.

God bless America, and God bless leveraged options.